She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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