Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize