so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
