she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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