Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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