on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
