After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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