I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
