He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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