Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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