I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
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I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
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They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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