I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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