arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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