In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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