3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
even my farts smell like vagina
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
