I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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