Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
