Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
zippers are such a cool invention
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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