Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
