Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
