1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
