did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
