that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
