Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
