Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
