Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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