He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
