Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
