Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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