you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
