we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
