I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
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