Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
