i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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