In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
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You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
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I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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