i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
