I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
