that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
