i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
