the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize