Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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