I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
