He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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