Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
