where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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