kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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