i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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