so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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