she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
