Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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