Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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