Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
