I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
