my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
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they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
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She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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