my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
