i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
