haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time