Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police