Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.