there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming