forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just pee around me
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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