My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
