I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
