I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
