how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
