I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We don't watch enough power rangers
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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