It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
