Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
