OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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