words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
