You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
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will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
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Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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