i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
