im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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